i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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