so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
