Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
from now on my penis is your penis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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