How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
