We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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