just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
