soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
