I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize