My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
