I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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