Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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