I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
