there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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