When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
