I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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