Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
