You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to be your penis for a week.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
