Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
