Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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