Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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