who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He better not be in your backpack
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize