Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
