there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
