that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So vagazzling was a success
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
