is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
