i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
