you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
