Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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