not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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