sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
