it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
