Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize