They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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