i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
