How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
