I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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