the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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