Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
