Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
