weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
