that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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