She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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