Your dad touched me again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
