you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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