I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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