If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
