that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
