She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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