OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
