dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
