I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
