The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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