I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize