I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
