First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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