i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
