I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
