Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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