Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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