Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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