dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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