SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
