Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
