Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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