so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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