i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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