I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize