Life is so much better after having sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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