Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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