Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
