I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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