i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
