i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
