if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
