Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
