How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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