Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
