I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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