I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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