Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
