dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
