i don't like sucking hair
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
