The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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