im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize