dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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