Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
