were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
please come you make the beer taste better
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
