you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
