Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
