whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
