if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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