it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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