hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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