whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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